My Heath

I have always battled with my weight, for most of my teenage years and all of my adult life. Always thinking and planning to eat right and exercise to lose weight and get healthy, but never doing anything abolut it. Well now all these years of not doing anything about it has caught up with me. One week ago I was diagnosed with hypertention. My blood pressure was 209/109, I went the ER and after lots of tests was given meds and told to follow up with my regular doctor for treatment. I am dragging my feet at going to a regular doctor and have him push pills at me and not help me to live better so i can get this under control. This has really made me do some thinking about myself and why I have not taken care of myself up to this point. I am a mother and a wife and I put the needs of my children and my husband before my own. I worry about everything, even the things that I can not control or change. I am not sure how to even take care of me and how to do someting just for me. With 7 children someone is always in need of clothes or shoes or lab fees or feild trip money, I am always the last one who gets the things I need, and I am ok with that, I am a mom, that is part of my job. I have gone to school so that I can work to help support my family but can not get a job right now because I dont want to use daycare, I try everyday to think of something I could do from home to help out with the bills, but I have no success. This adds to the stress I put upon myself, which is not good. There are many days that I feel like such a failure that I just give up and just mope about. I think that I am failing my children, I want them to be better than me but I cant teach them more than I know. I am commiting to try everyday to be better at my shortcomings. I don't know where to start but I will find a way to do this.